Gah, these things spiral. Originally, Wes and I planned to get married in England – but this caused visa issues, so we decided to do the paperwork in America, on our own, and ‘forget about it’, until after a wedding in England. After thinking about it, this seemed ridiculous – we’d be married, there would be changes, there is only so much self control 2 30 year olds can have. Plus my Mum really wanted to be there, really. Which meant Wes’ Mum had to be there. Which meant his brother had to be, with his wife and two kids. And of course, his best friend. And mine, which meant she had to bring her partner, as she’d be travelling so far. So there would be a celebration, so we figured we’d do a bring and share lunch at a hired lake house, where we provided wine and BBQ and the guests provided sides and dessert. The one expense would be a fancy cake. Then, we didn’t want to have to travel there for the ceremony, so we’d do the ceremony there and invite everyone to the ceremony. Everyone being about 80 people. I whipped up a budget. Dead cheap – consignment dress, people bringing food, bridesmaid wearing off the rack JC Penney. Just shy of $10,000. I was HORRIFIED. We hadn’t cut corners, but we had saved everywhere we could, I figured. I emailed the budget to my fiancee, and said that it was shame, but “it is what it is” I guess. He suggested cutting down parts of it, but it seemed to take so much away from thy day, that I said it wasn’t worth it.
He is such a good hubby to be. He let me come in, have my bath, have dinner, talk endlessly about my day. Then when I was calm and ready told me that he could cut down his guest list by over 1/2. So, I looked at what it would be like to pare mine right down, and we got a list of 40. Suddenly, it was what I had always wanted – just people both us of consider ‘extended family’ here in the US. Really, people who are Wes’ family, or people who have been my family here. That meant less chairs, less food, less alcohol, less tables, less decorations. We would invite everyone else with whom we really wanted to celebrate for a BYOB cake and dance at 7. The budget has dropped to closer to $5,000 and we are hoping it is still dropping.
You know, at first I thought ‘OK, it is worth the drop in cost’. Then I thought ‘even without a drop in cost, this is what I actually want’. Family, people who have helped shaped me and my relationship with Wes to share us joining – and then all our much loved friends to come and celebrate it after in a relaxed, informal fashion. Perfect 🙂
NB: Extended family in England, you are very much missed, thought of, and prayed for. I will see y’all in September 🙂