Not so much ‘I do’…. as ‘I don’t’…

Funny business this wedding lark… full of traditions and superstitions, rituals and mandates. Some, *I* feel I have to stick to; my father will walk me down the aisle, I will wear white, there will be best man, groom and father of the bride speeches. Some I have chosen to stick to; we will have a cake cutting and first dance, my groom is BANNED from any pre wedding dress info. Some, however, I gaily ignore. This is causing consternation among well meaning, but largely unwelcome folk. So, for the record, although I am saying ‘I do’; I DON’T

1. Have a pre-wedding diet. Yes, although I am a permanent healthy eater (to put it mildly), I plan to look as I do. Call it horribly misguided arrogance if you like, but I quite like my shape. It’s not perfect, I would make some changes if I could, but I don’t hate my body. I was trying dresses on, and a lady said to me ‘will you lose some of this muscle [I do have a very broad chest / back in comparison to the rest of me tahnks to a minor bench press obsession – according to dress charts my US sizing goes 10-2-8 for chest-waist-hips…. oooops) for the wedding?’. I said ‘er…. no’. Amidst looks of concern I then heard ‘well…. I am sure some will come off with the pre wedding diet’. I don’t have a pre-wedding diet. I do have a plan to get a little stronger… but that is nothing to do with the wedding. I do also plan to walk down the aisle looking like the girl my boyfriend fell for and chose to marry. Crazy.

2. A colour scheme. Ummm… I just don’t. I can’t think of one. The invitations are indeed a different colour to the bridesmaid’s dress, which is shocking, I know. But, wait, ‘the bride respectfully requests that guests do not bring their invitations and pin them to / hold them against said bridesmaid’. Phew. Solved.

3. A wedding car. I’ll have a nice hire vehicle that my parents drove around for several days and no one at the wedding will ever see. Small chance, knowing me,  I’ll turn up on my bicycle anyway.

4. A bride AND a groom’s cake. One to see and one to eat. People will look at, and eat, the same damn cake. It will look beautiful and taste delicious – a miracle of modern science. The bride doesn’t eat cake anyway.

5. Side dishes. I mean, with a guest list reshuffle, Wes and I have decided we probably could afford to cater the sides for the BBQ, but then we remembered  that our favourite part was everyone bringing their favourite side to share, as this would bring in the personal touch we loved so much, and make sure the food was varied and delicious. Oh, how people have scowled and commented. Oh how common we are. It’s not the done thing (apparently). Well… it will be what is done on the 4th June.

6. A real care in the world. Once the venue & minister are booked (fingers crossed that happens), and my parents have flights and the people I want to be there have agreed to come (little worried about that as it is short notice); eh…. there just isn’t much for us to worry about going wrong / messing up / not working. If the napkins are the wrong colour? Well… umm… they can’t be, there is no set colour. If it rains – we go inside. Mum may agree to make my cake –  if it doesn’t work we go to TJ Maxx, buy 3 cake stands, and cut 3 delicious Publix cakes. See? Not so bad.

I leave you with a pic of chilled we are 11 1/2 weeks before a wedding we haven’t really started yet:

By the way; I fully encourage people to stick to any traditions they like IF they like them, and to abandon any others.

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