Well, hello 39 weeks. And now we have a date, I know I really am in the home stretch. Firstly a big, big thank you to everyone’s support after my last pregnancy update, given in the comments or on Facebook. When I wrote 2 weeks ago, I was very sad about not being pregnant for much longer. Many people were kind enough to write and say ‘I felt the same’ and even – ‘now I am a Mommy I STILL feel the same!’. Everyone adored their babies, but it looks like I would not be the only person to choose the baby and the belly if I could.
Hearing ‘you are normal’ or ‘your feelings are valid’ made a huge difference. Yes, I remain sad that I have – maximum – 5 more days left to be pregnant (more on that later). But I am much more cheerful knowing that feeling like that is fairly common, and a wonderful life ahead still awaits. I haven’t really addressed the issue further, except in one small way. Mostly, I just chose to be comforted by so many people’s kind words, but I have done a little positive visualization / positive list making about what I am looking forward to about the baby coming. Both have perked me up considerably.
The other thing I have done, is address my mental issues with the birth a little. I had hoped for a natural childbirth. I was going to fight to go over 42 weeks, if necessary. I wanted to go into labor naturally, to labor naturally, and to birth naturally, if possible. The reason why is not so important (come on, this is the girl who chose Tough Mudder – I like a challenge 😉 ), but do know that I recognize natural childbirth as my personal choice – as much for my benefit as the baby’s. Very much ‘each to their own’ and this was my chosen own. However, it looks like things will not go that way. The polydramnios situation is not getting better 😦
What does this mean? Well, my fluid levels at 25-30 weeks were in the 95th-98th percentile, generally 25-28, but mostly around 25. Average AFI (amniotic fluid index) is 10-14 (dependent on week), and cut-offs for ‘high-risk’can be 20, they can be 25, depending on the country, hospital, person etc. So, I was just on that borderline or just at ‘worrying’ – as Dr Dildy, the high-risk OB put it “You’re not off the charts… you’re just not on a very good position on the charts”. Dr. Dildy said some places would not consider me high-risk, if their cut-off was 25, but Baylor (where he practices) is a little more conservative so does. However, more in a ‘needs to be monitored’ way than a ‘holy crap’ way. So.. they did just that. Monitored me and watched the baby closely with weekly biophysical profiles and all looked pretty good. Plus, we scored cute face pics from our very friendly sonographer. Those who know me well, how much to do recognize the expression below? What Clio calls my locking horns, digging hooves in expression.
The problem came later on. Usually people’s fluid decreases, starting at around 30 weeks, going from an average of 14 to about 8-9 at 37 weeks. Mine did not decrease at all, it stayed stubbornly at 25. So, as the bell-shaped curve shifted more and more the the left, but my position stayed the same, I was more and more of an outlier. So, technically, I became more and more high-risk. I chatted to no less than 3 OBs (the one I didn’t like, Dr. Dildy who I really do like, and my OB whom I love). I did proper research (i.e. hit up PubMed and read real research papers, not just Google). And I ended up agreeing, of my own volition, that going past 40 weeks was associated with significantly higher risk. Significantly. My OB was actually happy to wait right up until 40 (some would have pushed for an induction at 38-39), so it seemed a good situation, because I felt she was trying to accommodate me and the baby and not just ‘get things done’. Induction is booked for 39 weeks and 5 days from today.
I am still scared of a cord prolapse. Because of all the fluid, the baby doesn’t want to fully settle deep into the pelvis, head down – there is a little gap between his head and the.. er… exit. When my water does break there is likely to be a lot of force to it, both because there is nearly 3 times the usual amount, and because it is under a lot of pressure (think of an overfilled balloon). So, it could force the cord out before the baby, the baby’s head would fall down into it, and the baby’s oxygen would be cut off. In hospital, this would just mean an instant and emergency C-section. If it is before hospital… well… we hope I get there pretty quick. The chances are just under 10% statistically (they are under 1% of you have a normal amount of fluid) so non trivial. But, hence, we hope that I won’t go into labor before the induction, and if I do, at the first sign of labor, rather that waiting at home until I am in ‘active labor’ I am to go straight to hospital. I am as at peace with this plan as I can be.
So, in a nutshell, I have had to prepare for a different kind of birth. That’s OK, but I am someone who likes to be in control of what is happening to my body, and my baby, and generally my life. I am rarely good at handing over large aspects of my life to others and saying ‘OK, do what you will, I will go with the flow’. It tends to leave me in a cold sweat. If I have ever said to you ‘sure, I’ll come over and you can decide what we do / what we eat’ you know I like and trust you a lot 😉 So, I have been preparing (for preparing is calming) for other plans.
I have tried to strengthen my uterus to be good at labor, in a situation where it may not be ideally ready: evening primrose oil, raspberry leaf capsules, dates. I have tried to help the baby prepare my uterus / get into a good position when HE may not be fully ready: bouncing on a birthing ball, squatting 20 mins a day, walking. I have been rehearsing birthing techniques for withstanding an epidural because pitocin may lead to a more painful labor than a natural labor (pitocin contractions MAY be stronger and harder, and pitocin, unlike its natural form oxytocin, does not cross the blood-brain barrier and give pain relief).
I am also preparing to be accepting of an epidural: the hard part of labor may be longer and if I need more strength, an epidural may help me conserve my strength. I am preparing not to resist the epidural just to be bloody minded – mainly I just want to resist it to the point where it will not slow down labor. And, I am preparing to accept a C-section with grace (the risk is doubled with an induction), and not feel disappointed, or like I failed, or miserable about it. Just to be grateful that it is an option in this day and age!
Oh, and I am packing my hospital bags! I finally did it last week. For me, 2 bags. One for labor containing snacks, gatorade (YUCK), hairbands, warm socks, snacks, my birth plan, protein shots (old habits die hard), a bikini. Snacks…
All encased in my new diaper bag:
And then for ‘postpartum’, hair & make-up stuff (WHAT? My Mum allowed no cameras into the room until her hair and make-up were done! Seriously!), pads, comfy clothes, reading materials, chargers (phone and iPad) and nipple cream / pads (snigger):
A ‘going home outfit for me (YES I AM GOING TO WEAR HEELS IF IT ISN’T A C-SECTION DAMMIT):
And best, best, best of all. For Firework, a ‘first day’ outfit (a little tiger one) and his going home outfit (Alabama T-shirt and shorts like his Daddy wears) + a random onesie ‘just in case’.
All ensconced in an old gym bag. We also have a much coveted and finally obtained Aden + Anais swaddle blanket, a nursing pillow (coz I just love my boppy) and a going home blanket with little racoons on, given to me by my mentor at work. Of course, these bags are packed for a dash to hospital and a regular birth. If we have an induction, we go in at 8 pm for a special gel, stay overnight, start pitocin at 7 am and keep it going for as long as I and the baby can take without distress (which could be 36 hours, but is likely less). So.. then I won’t have two separate bags. We’ll be less birth focused and more focused on just entertaining ourselves in hospital. If it gets to the day we’ll throw in some puzzle books and more entertainment.
Pretty exciting really.