The other day I was chatting to my husband about something that I had something to sell on Craigslist. He said “Ooooh, you should get a good few dollars to sink into a hobby with THAT”.
I grinned. Then I paused and said “I don’t have any hobbies anymore….”.
“Seriously Wes, you have a little bit of time in the day, and your evenings. I get up, have breakfast and go to work. I come home, cook dinner (which it is my choice to do), eat with the family, and then because I have missed Sam all day, I insist on doing the bath-play-bottle-bed routine. Sam goes down at 8, I clear up and it is 8.20. I am too tired to think about a hobby, plus, it is time I want to spend with you! On the weekends, I like to take Sam on a playdate Saturday mornings, and Sunday mornings are church… on both days, I get home at 1, always have some work / chores, and then by 5 it is time to be thinking about dinner again. I don’t have any hobbies! I barely maintain the aquarium that I have, and there is nowhere to go hiking or biking in Houston. I can’t make the gym and get back to lifting and if I bake there is no one to eat it because I don’t go out anymore!”.
“In those few hours that I do have, I like to do Sam’s scrapbook, and his baby book, but I don’t really need much for that”.
Wes looked at me and said “Well… you really wanted a baby. I guess your hobby is your baby”.
I guess so.
It is not quite accurate – I do have a hobby of voluntary work: volunteering weekly at MD Anderson, sponsoring a child ton whom I write to regularly, and helping with the church childcare once a month. And I chose to cook the evening meal because I enjoy cooking and like to do that. But I used to do so much: video games, reading, hiking, a tonne of sports, travel… I feel like the old Lekki is gone.
It is not a bad thing, but it is certainly a ‘I-am-glad-that-I-really-lived [and I think I really lived]-before-kids’ thing, and it is a ‘this-is-the-life-I-wanted-and-I-love-it thing’. But it was a bit of a revelation and a bit of shock, and perhaps not something I had appreciated when I chose the ‘I want an involving, demanding, uncertain career – a vocation – and a family’ .
I don’t think it will change, and I don’t think I want it to change. In fact, I made the decision I would try not to fit my kids around my life, but to drastically change my life to them. But, it is still a shock to realize, and I am just learning to appreciate the new normal.
Anyone else feel this?
I came across this cartoon today which sums it up.
- Do you have hobbies? (merganmckenzie.wordpress.com)