Monthly Archives: January 2016

January goals

 

goal setting and wine

I like to set my goals with wine

I ended up picking just 2 goals for January: keep doing what I need to do to give Caroline exclusive breastmilk (I don’t even know why this is important to me at this stage, but I picked it so there we go) and to get my family into a workable daily routine. Actually, giving my kiddos exclusive breastmilk from my non-maternal breasts is such a huge challenge that it needs a whole routine in itself, so these two dovetailed nicely.

Pumping in meetings academic mom

Pumping in meetings

The long and short of it is that yes: at the end of January I feel like I achieved my goals, if not the sub goals like “take Fridays as vacation” (I only managed one 1/2 day as vacation… Sob…). With breastfeeding I did not remember all those darn supplements and every glass of water but I did keep to a reasonably healthy diet, stay fairly well hydrated, get some Reglan and end up pumping an extra 4 oz a day while also breast feeding evenings and weekends. So, I am going to call that job done.

Houston sunrise

One benefit was beautiful sunrises

I also stuck to a hellacious family routine. Combining pumping and returning to a demanding job with Houston’s horrific traffic has meant that I am up at 5.30 every day and it is go, go, go from then: 5.30 feed Caroline, 5.45 get up and get three people out of the house and fed by 6.30. 7: Arrive at daycare, feed at leave in time to be pumping at 8my desk at . Pump at 10 for another FORTY minutes. Leave the office at 11.30 and feed Caroline driving to be back for 12.30 meetings. Pump at 2 for another faking 40-45 minutes. Leave work at 4, feed Caroline, drive home for 5.30. Make dinner. Eat dinner at 6. At 6.30 Feed and bath Carokine. At 7.15 Bath and bed Sam (<— one of my favorite times of day) to get him down for 8.15 (pardon my French but fuck those sleep consultants with their 15 minute nighttime routines. I swear they don’t have actual children, just cats or something). At 8.15: Sort out the milk for tomorrow, sort out dinner for tomorrow, pack car and pump again at 9. At 9.30 collapse in bed with this little bundle of gorgeousness sleeping beside me. Then do it all again in 8 hours time.

3 months old rock n play

My sleeping buddy

I’m sorry, cry me a river and all that, but isn’t that just exhausting to read? Is it just me? Am I emerging from some deeply sheltered and pampered life blinking angrily into reality? I don’t know but it seems like a crazy exhausting schedule to me, but it is all that works for us right now so do it we will (and it is only going to get easier as I pump less, kids get more independent yada yada yada).

In unrelated news: I also eat a lot of chocolate and drink a large glass of wine every night.

Anyway, the point is not to moan, but to say that slowing down, calming down, climbing down and focusing on just one thing – the daily routine – has been very interesting to me. It has allowed me to see how exhausting it can be and how much energy it needs. Last year, I would have been focusing on that and 20 other things and nothing would have got done properly and I would have been stressed. Just doing this – life – properly has been eye opening.

I have had meltdowns – huge meltdowns. I have got through the check-out at target and realized my wallet is at home (and got bailed out by an amazing friend!). I have needed my friends desperately (all of whom been wonderful). From my friends’ behavior towards me, I have learned how to actually help someone, not just want to help them. I would have failed utterly without Wes (howl – where is my independence?). I have thrown pity parties all for myself and had a little tantrum if it is mentioned that many people do this every day and many people have it worse than me. It’s been exhausting and humbling, so humbling. But so rewarding. It has been so nice to think “I should fix my postpartum figure” or “I need to get my stampin’ Up! Business going or “I really should write a blog post” and just think “No. Those are not my goals right now, right now I M just getting my family trough this transition”. It’s been freeing! And I feel like I have achieved something! I feel good.

I am also amazed that I haven’t completely given up on future goals: we’ve cooked at home all but 2 meals a week, the house has been liveable, I have made some cards, I have seen friends, I have lost 1 lb… All these little things have just meandered along at a snail’s pace. I am also amazed at how relaxed about them I can be when I have a focus and when I give myself permission just to go with the flow.

academia urine collection

At work! Success collecting baby pee.

I have started to adopt this at work too – just focussing on one thing and trusting that everything else will get done adequately. I have focussed on my main twin study, and the second grant to find that. I got the grant in (Friday!) and am pleased with it. This month I am focussing on my twin papers, and saying ‘no’ to things that don’t align with that goal. Whether that works for not I will let you know – academia seems a separate beast to personal life.

3 year old happy

My happy

Amazingly, I have been so happy this month. So, so happy. Busy Lekki = happy Lekki, and my children delight me daily. I have realized that for now, building my family and getting the home right is my joy. I have felt a deep contentment and peace (I have also been renewing my relationship with God which has helped). I have felt supported and surrounded by so much love and friendship and understanding. And I have felt so lucky! Tears and grumpiness and meltdowns not withstanding, I have felt gloriously like I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing.

tea biscuits and emma bridgewater

Goal setting with tea and biscuits (and Emma Bridgewater) not wine.

For February… I am not so sure. Probably more of the same: get through the month with home cooked meals (not thinking about actual nutrition right now), and no late starts, and with feeding Caroline breast milk). I feel like I need one thing to add onto this base, but something small (like, being presentable at work would not be an option right now – as I sat in my oversized hoodie, maternity pants and glasses, my co-worker commented that I looked ‘depressed’). Maybe staying on top of our finances – that’s something that I need to get back to. Or building a family recipe book. Or doing craft activities with Sam (not sure if that is for him or me.. probably walking with Sam would be better for him). I’ll pick something and let you know.

Did you set any goals for January? Make progress on your New Year’s Resolution(s)? How do you stay on track?

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Planning for 2016

I tend to shy away from making New Years’ Resolutions. I am not sure why. While I love the idea of setting goals so maybe it is the years of my attempts to achieve them not going past 2-3 weeks that have left me jaded. Or, perhaps it is that right now smaller goals (go to the gym, read books, try new recipes, that kind of ilk) are not what I need. I wrote at the end of 2014 that I had not been that happy that year, and was resolved to rectify it in 2015. Sad to say that I didn’t. I mean, I don’t want anyone to think that I was sitting in a pool of misery the whole time, but something big was missing from my life for me to say: yes I am happy with this. Certainly I had a lot to be happy with: a great son, a much wanted second pregnancy (and then a much wanted daughter), a job I love (although I don’t perform at it in a way that makes me happy), and a hobby I love (card making). I also make strides forward in 2015: I developed a bigger friendship group, was the recipient of several grants and a National-level award, including one from NIH and improved our home no end. So, perhaps a lack of contentment is a better word, because overall there were very happy moments. I just wouldn’t say that I was happy.

Can't deny these things make me pretty lucky

Can’t deny these things make me pretty lucky

I did get the gift of 12 weeks maternity leave right at the end of the year. It was a glorious reset. For the first time, I got to sit and do (relatively) nothing. I only went into the office once a week, once Caroline was 3 weeks old (delivering a successful presentation nonetheless!)  and did an hour or so emails a day. The rest of the time was gloriously mine. With no pressures and no demands, it was interesting to see what I did. I made wall displays in our house. I redid the kiddos playroom. I built a china display cabinet and started collecting Emma Bridgewater pottery (thanks to Clio who sent out several pieces while I was pregnant, and much to the dismay of my poor parents who are now being forced to source and purchase pottery and – even worse – get it out to the US!). I kept Sam home way more than I should have from the perspective of ‘giving preschoolers good routines’. I spent hours getting to know Caroline: playing games, holding her, soaking her in. Because I had so much more free time I spent evening time just soaking in Sam too, in all his glorious preschooler-ness. All his quirks, and his loves. I appreciated the joy in being his mum.

Joy

Joy

What didn’t I do? I didn’t write any grants or papers. I honestly thought that I would, but given the choice I chose not to. That is not to say that (1) I don’t enjoy these things (I do), or (2) there is no space for them in my life (there is. There had better be, anyway). But it became clear to me that these were not to be the sole things I focussed on to be happy. Along those lines, it was interesting the work tasks I missed doing (being part of my twin study, discussing and writing up new ideas, getting that first set of exciting [though often wrong] results), and of course, those I didn’t.

I knew that going into 2016 I needed to make a change. It seemed clear that I needed to set some goals and figure out steps to achieve them. So, I started looking into planners. Just a subjective impression, but it seems that planners are a very American thing – big binders full of pintrest ideas, to do lists, trackers and so on. But they appeal to me – I need ways to organize my thoughts and my actions, figure out my goals track if I am achieving them. I use a lot of planner-style apps and of course my blog is a ‘brain dump’ and a planner. Turns out this idea (using a planner), is not so revolutionary after all. There are bloody millions of planners, and even more forums, facebook groups, blogs and even Meet-up groups dedicated to them. Wow. Where to start? I did read some reviews, and had my planner choice whittled down to 4 or 5, but was loathe to drop $40-80 (yes really!) on something I have never used before.

The came the Passion Planner. The passion planner was already in my top 5 because it met all of my requirements: blank ‘brain dump’ spaces, daily time slots broken into smaller sections, prompts for goal setting and reviewing and lots of space for to do lists. Oh, and it was one of the cheapest at $30. What held me back was that it was black and white and that I wasn’t clear if it was actually any better than any of the more expensive, but much prettier ones. What made me pull the trigger? You can get it free. Yes free. All you have to do is share this link on social media (http://www.passionplanner.com/downloads-2/) and you can download the whole planner as a PDF file. No outlay, so Passion Planner it is.

Passion planner does have prompts and charts to help you goal set, but I suspect my issue is more global than that. I want to do things well, and I want to do a lot of things. My goals include: spend quality time with my kids, work at my job hard, run a toddler craft group, run a stampin’ up business, collect Emma Bridgewater pottery, keep a really nice house, write a personal blog, write an academia blog, write a crafting blog,  see my friends, read non fiction books, volunteer, look after my animals more, be more present and more purposeful, eat better, exercise, get Sam a regular out-of-the-house hobby, bake more, cook more, commit to a regularly weekly food shop, stop wasting money, breast feed for another 10 months, stop wasting time so much on the internet and, and, and. Clearly I cannot do all of this – even without a toddler and infant and a deep need for a lot of sleep (I am one of those ‘8 hours a day or else’ people). So what to choose and what to prioritize?

More time with these things please.

More time with these things please.

My friend chic in academia to the rescue… She wrote this lovely post on writing a goal statement. She gives much more guidance in her post, but the idea is think hard about your values, strengths, needs and talents and write an overall statement summing those up. From there you goals should flow. So that is what I am off to do. I am hoping that at the end of this process (mission statement and goal setting) I will have a much clearer path forward; I will know what to say yes and no to, and how to fill my time. I hope it will give me motivation to spend the time I currently spend glazed over on the internet more purposefully and I hope it will also give me the gift of guilt free relaxation. I am looking forward to sharing my process with you.

Edited to add: writing this post has made me reflect on how gloriously lucky I am: I have the kids I wanted, a job I love, enviable health and many, many superficial trappings (‘things’). I am still on a goal setting path though 🙂

Do you set goals? How do you do it? How do you keep track of important things? Does anyone use a planner regularly, and if so, do you have any tips to share with me?