Conversations with my 5 year old

So, this just happened.

When me and Sammy are apart for more than a day, Sammy has taken to asking for long phone conversations. Like 2 hours long 🤭 About things like… the zombie he defeated in his game today… or the hats we are wearing today. 😴

We are close Yes, hats. I can’t talk about freaking hats for any longer! So like any decent parent – I try to distract him from the topics he is actually interested in, squash his spirit, and indoctrinate him with what I like. I mean… broaden his horizons. Yes. I like to broaden his horizons.

Today’s topic? Politics. Specifically: why I wasn’t hanging out with Trump while I was in DC.

The conversation went something like this:

“Well, bud, the thing is that Trump and I don’t agree on a lot of things so I don’t hang out with him”

“Like what? What don’t you agree on?”

“Hmmm… well, you know when you go to Callum and Finn’s? And Finn can eat really fast and wants to eat all the pancakes? And after he’s eaten lots I make Finn stop, and make sure you and Caroline have enough pancakes? Well, Trump thinks that if you are good at eating pancakes you should have all the pancakes you can get… I think you should have lots of pancakes, but not let babies like Caroline go hungry, just because they can’t eat quickly…”

“Trump sounds like a very bad man”

“Well… I don’t know bud… I don’t think he is very nice, but some people like him and you have to make up your own ideas about him”

“What else does he do?”

“He’s just not very good at sharing bud”

“Is this like when Caroline wants to dump all the sugar on her pancake, but you say she has to have a sensible amount so that we can all have some sugar? And when she ends up with more that everyone, you just say I have to just look at my plate, and if I have sugar then I don’t get to worry about Caroline’s sugar?”

“Yes”

“But if she takes all the sugar, and I have none, I’m allowed to get mad then?”

“I guess so”

“Trump is very naughty! He’s going to get in trouble!”

“Ha! Funny you should say that! He already is!

“Why?”

“He colluded with the Russians”

“What does that mean?”

“Well… America is a country, like England where Mummy is from is a country, and Russia is a country… and America – and England for that matter – don’t like Russia.

And Trump was friends with Russia”

“I don’t understand”

“Like, think of someone who did something really bad, like they might to go jail bad, and Trump is friends with them”

*gasps* “Mummy! Is Trump friends with the man who stole all your money?”

“…..”

“That’s so bad. I don’t like that man”

“…”

“He and Trump should go to jail together!”

“…….”. “So bud, guess what? I bought a new hat today… it has ears like a cat!”.

Never discuss money, religion or politics with polite company. Or with your 5 year old…

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